I have pondered what advice would I give if I could go back and talk with myself as a young husband. What would I tell him? That got me writing, here are some quick thoughts. I don't think this is comprehensive, but a good list to start with. Ladies I hope to write a list for you soon also, but if you can't wait here is a good list for wives.
- Pray for her every day. You will be amazed how God will soften and change your heart if you make this a priority.
- Talk to her and listen to her. She needs your words. She will not know you love her unless you tell her - give her words. Also listen actively. That means listen with support and encouragement, not advice.
- Cultivate friends - that will encourage, support and confront you about your marriage.
- Use Scripture - as your first "go to" for Marriage help. Read Ephesians 5, 1 Peter 3. Those will be a good start.
- Show her love - in a way that she can see it feel it and hear it. Look for ways to give her small gifts or thoughtful gestures that say "I Love you and you are on my mind". Love Your wife through action and words.
- Make it a priority to grow as a person. I am convinced the best people, leaders and husbands make a commitment to learn and grow. They are naturally curious learners.
- Touch her for some other reason than sex. - I am surprised at the number of couples that stop touching. Find appropriate ways that you can show affection. Hold hands in public. She needs to know she is wanted for something other than sex.
- Cultivate the friendship. - Shared experiences are vital to your relationship. Your emotional relationship and connection is the well that you will draw from when you have struggles.
- Let the small irritations go. - Pick and choose your battles. Sometimes you have to choose - do you want to be happy or do you want to be right. Sometimes you can't have both.
- Make a commitment to stay together - Mark 10:9. The word divorce should not be a part of your language.
- Never stop supporting her emotionally - 1 Peter 3:7. For many men they leave emotionally long before the leave physically. Stay in the marriage emotionally. Support her and encourage her. You don't have to have the answers you just have to be with her.
- Oh - have I said - Talk to her and listen to Her. She needs to feel wanted and enjoyed for something other than her body. Talking and listening to her is the first step to show her that.
- Do the dishes. - Consistently contribute to the house. Don't let her feel or carry all the responsibilities for the home.
- Forgive freely - Col. 3:13.- The journey of marriage requires you to forgive freely and frequently. Never stop - don't let unforgiveness come between you.
- Never part without kissing - It is important that you always leave each other on a positive note. If you make this a priority even in the middle of tension and disagreement it conveys the message - I will always be with you.
- Always greet each other with excitement - The power of greeting is amazing. She should know this is the place you want to be. The excitement and joy you show when you greet can be a powerful way of showing love.
- Do not brag that you emptied the dishwasher - or any other household chores. She usually does it often and does not get a party every time. Take the time to thank her often and she will probably do the same.
- Believe in her passion and ability - Encourage her to pursue her passions and dreams. Remind her that she is important enough to have dreams. Share your dreams with her also. She needs to hear your passion and dreams also.
- Be a spiritual leader & lead with humility - Develop a pattern of making Christ the center and focus of your marriage and life. You don't have to be a theologian or expert you just need to humbly submit to Christ.
- Treat her like she's the only girl in the world - She longs to see in your words and actions that she is your life partner. Express admiration and pride that she is with you.
- Praise your wife in public - She needs to know that she is a priority and that you are proud of her. People should be able to tell from your actions and words that you are a couple.
- Draw boundaries around family members or friends that don't show respect to your wife. - I know this one is hard but as much as you can make this happen. Understand that your relationship with her should be more important to you than your other family members, work, friends, etc.
- Have times each day where you put media aside. - When you are at a meal or in bed put the phone down.
- Ask her what she would add to the list - I know this may create interesting discussion, but show you care.
- Oh Yea - listen and talk to her often
What would you add or take away? Ladies what would you add?
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