Grow

3 Ways to Help Grow the Emotional Bond in Marriage

The emotional bond of a relationship is the glue.  When things seem to start to come unglued look at the rhythm of these areas and see how you are doing.  

Debbie and I have been married for thirty-two years.  When life seems stressful these areas get out of rhythm.  I begin to get to busy or we have the stress of transitions.  Things like kids schedules or kids graduating and leaving home or aging parents have all caused these areas to change rhythm, and it took work to make it beautiful again.    

I have listed a condensed version of the areas below.  I will develop a more complete picture of each of these in future posts.  

1. Shared experiences - How often do you spend time without electronics where you laugh, play, encourage, affirm and non-sexually touch? These are the characteristics of time together that produce the inner feelings we call intimacy.  These experiences could be everything from a wonderful date night to just cuddling on the sofa watching your favorite show.  You have to have time together.  
2. How you part and How you greet - You should part from each other each day as you leave for work or activities with warmth, touch and encouragement.  Not screaming “by” from across the house. You should greet each other after being gone with the joy that a Golden Retriever greets you without peeing on the floor.  
3. Focus on the positive not the negative - When we feel disconnected or unhappy we focus on the negative.  We only see what is bad and believe if only we could fix the negative all of life would be better.  This makes the negative cycle run faster. Each day you need to work at trying to identify and acknowledge the positive in your spouse.  As you end your day ask yourself was I more positive or negative to my spouse today. If you can’t remember times that you were intentionally positive you were most likely unintentionally negative.  This starts with the intentional effort of being positive.  

Marriage is described as work.  I have come to realize the work of marriage is compromise and connection.  Have your tried some version of the things I have suggested to stay connected, or have you found others way to connect?