Change Yourself

"why do we have to talk about problems all the time"  "You never talk about what I do right you only talk about what you think I do wrong"  Many couples think "we do so many things right as a couple we just need to work on this area".... and that's all they talk about.  The only thing they talk about is their problems.  Their only shared experience is their problems, not play, laughter or happiness.      
Everyone longs to be accepted for who the are.  They want to be loved exactly as they are, not "I will love you if.... or I will love you when."  If you are constantly asking your partner to to change they will feel unloved and criticized.  Resentment begins to build and create distance.  
Your partner can change, but it has to come from their desire, not from you asking or pushing for it.  The only changes people make are driven by what they want, because they see the value in the change, experiencing the pain or cost of staying the same.

The only thing that you can change is yourself
You cannot change your partner. 

Learn to do 3 things well.

1. Love the other just the way they are, not "I will love you if.... or I will love you when."
2. Develop the personal value that you want to grow change and be the best version of yourself.  Change because it is your personal value.  Change can't be forced by your partner - it has to be your priority.  You will either intentionally change and grow, or the pain of staying the same will create consequences.  
3. You have to understand that happiness is your own responsibility.  You must own happiness yourself.  Your partner can't be the source of your happiness.  Your happiness and joy comes from yourself and God....not your spouse.  

Put your effort into changing you.  Don't ignore your spouse or leave them to become happy.  Find happiness and joy where you are at.