New Website - connectedtogether.org

We have developed a new website Connected Together.  Our goal is to create more content and interaction helping to create  Connected Marriages, Connected Families, Connected to God.  Please look at the site and give us your feedback.  My only desire is to help people have a richer and fuller life this side of heaven.  

Exciting News - Connected Together Marriage Conference

Register for the Connected Together Marriage Conference!

Anything that you love requires you to care for it and nurture it.  You put energy, time and money into what you love.  Marriage is no different.  We live in a world that weakens the marital bond and connection.  We are too busy, too stressed and too tired.  Connected Together Marriage Conference is designed with these things in mind.  I don't want to just give you another thing to do.  I think we have created an experience that will give you helpful and practical information.  I don't want to give you just another meeting, but I do want to help you to develop skills that will impact your marriage.

In October we will be doing a marriage conference at City Church of Chattanooga.  This event is designed to increase your skills and enjoyment in marriage.  The ideas and topics will help you with what I think are the two main components of marriage: compromise and connection.  This conference will be fun, interactive and informative helping you and your partner to develop abilities and attitudes that will increase your connection.  That’s why I am calling it Connected Together.  Here is the specific information.  

Connected Together Marriage Conference

Where City Church of Chattanooga
When    October 17th 6:30 pm - 9:00 pm; October 18th 9:00 am - 12:00 noon
Cost $65 a couple; $35 for individual

We are really excited about helping your marriage in October.  Please make plans to attend.  We will continue to post more information as we get closer.

Register for the Connected Together Marriage Conference!

We need to tell a bigger story.

"We need to tell a bigger story with our life than the story of ourselves. Your story is too small if it only tells your story." - Leonard Sweet

We become so wrapped up in the smaller story or our pain and problems that we forgot the larger story or God's love and provision. Stop and wonder about God's unfailing love.

He will:

Never leave you - Hebrews 13:5

Never stop loving you - Romans 8:37-39

Never give you more than you can handle - 1 Corinthians 10:13

Always be with you - Isiah 58:11

Focus on His larger story of love when you feel lost.  He will always find you and guide you.  

10 Things That Will Improve Your Marriage NOW

Often I get questions like “what can I do now that will help to improve my marriage?”  Most real changes take time. To find happiness with your spouse you need to be willing to put in effort. The challenges that every relationship has will help you to develop character.  

Here is a quick list of some fun easy things you can do that will impact your marriage.  

1. Pray with Your Spouse - Prayer will increase connection with your spouse.  You will understand their heart and needs more when you go to God together.

2. Laugh More - Laughter is the best medicine for any relationship.  Play together and laugh often.  

3. Schedule Sex - I know this seems very unromantic.  The only thing less romantic is no sex.  Many people have good intentions but when they lay down at night they are too tired. They don't have anything left at the end of the day. Make it a priority and schedule it.  

4. Hold Hands - Non-sexual touch is vital.  It is how you express affection and concern.  

5. Greet Each Other with Excitement - Your goal is to do better than your dog when your spouse comes home.  Just don't pee on the floor.   

6. Always Thank the Other Person - You have to focus on the positive in the relationship.  Saying "Thank You" often will help you to look for the positive in your spouse.  

7. Say "I Love You Often" - You need to say "I love you" with your actions and words often.  You can't say this too many times.  

8. Encourage Your Spouse - You need to know that they believe in you.  

9. Kiss Them Often and Well - I am not talking about a make out session or foreplay.  Just add another 10 seconds to your goodbye and hello kiss.  Or even add some kissing during commercials. Kissing for the purpose of affection not trying to create a sexual experience.   

10. Talk - Spend time each day talking about your life.  Don't spend all of your time talking about problems.  

11. Apologize and Forgive Freely - To stay connected together you must forgive often.  When a fight happens and you are both wrong, don't wait for the other.  Let the more mature ask and give forgiveness first.  

Marriage is a beautiful gift from God.  Stay positive and move toward your spouse with kindness and understanding and you will see the results.  

Exciting News

I also want to give some exciting news.  In October we will be doing a marriage conference at City Church of Chattanooga.  This event is designed to increase your skills and enjoyment in marriage.  The ideas and topics will help you with what I think are the two main components of marriage: compromise and connection.  This conference will be fun, interactive and informative helping you and your partner to develop abilities and attitudes that will increase your connection.  That’s why I am calling it Connected Together.  Here is the specific information.  

Connected Together Marriage Conference

Where City Church of Chattanooga

When    October 17th 6:30 PM - 9:00 PM; October 18th 9:00 AM - 12:00 PM

Cost $65 a couple; $35 for individual

We are really excited about helping your marriage in October.  Please make plans to attend.  We will continue to post more information as we get closer.

Together - Marriage Tip # 3

"Coming Together is the beginning.  Keeping Together is progress.  Working Together is success." - Henry Ford.

Together is a wonderful thing.  It should be the goal, we should settle for nothing less. We were NOT meant to be alone.  Life will pull you apart. Busyness will create separate goals.  You have to work at creating connected relationships that celebrate and enjoy being together.  Here are five simple ways to Connect Together.  

• Eat Together - You have to eat, make it a shared experience.  

• Try To Go To Bed Together - The shared experience of sleeping together is one of the experiences you should only have with your spouse. Learn to enjoying "spooning" together if only for a few minutes each night.  Non-sexual touch is vital for the health of the relationship.    

• Date Night - Create time together for a date night in the house, like movies and popcorn sitting together on the sofa, or even better, plan a date out.  

• Work On Projects Together - The common goal of working and accomplishing something together is important.  

• Commit To Trying New Things - Try new food, places and music.  Be flexible and try new things.  We encourage our children to do this. Why do we stop?  The joy of something new can help you feel connected together.  

Connecting together takes work and effort. It should be enjoyable work.  The effort has to be intentional, consistent and fun. What things would you add to the list? 

Attitude a Little Thing That Makes a Big Difference

The attitude we have affects everything…..yes everything.  I can’t remember all the times as a kid someone commented about how my attitude needed to be adjusted - and they seemed to want to help.  Thinking back I guess it needed to be adjusted in some way.  Now that I am adult I am not sure if my attitude is better or if I have just gotten better and hiding it from others.  

I wanted to share some of what I have learned about attitude.  A positive healthy attitude is the first thing you need to develop to reach your greatest or highest potential in life.  

I have written several posts about resilience. How Do You Handle The Roller Coaster? and Resilience.  Look back over them to get a good definition of resilience. In case you don’t have time to look over the posts here is a good working definition of resilience.  It is the ability to bounce back or recover from problems.  Resilience is vital to our ability to learn grow and not repeat the past. Attitude and resilience go hand in hand. It is very difficult to bounce back and recover from problems if you attitude is negative.

1st What is Attitude?

Attitude is a part of how we think and feel but it always comes out in behavior.   The best working definition is a settled way of thinking.  We get a thought about something that we like or don’t like and we lock into it.  Unwilling to look at other options.  We close off to other perspectives and are no longer open or flexible.   Attitude can be formed from a person's past and present.  A negative attitde always make you closed and rigid and a positive attitude makes you open and flexible.  Which attitude would you want to be around?  

Parents will scold a child, "don't give me that attitude."  They are not talking about what is hidden in their thoughts it is the cocked head, roll of the eyes and the slam of the door that reveals the attitude. Attitude is not just a kid thing.  As adults we may not be as dramatic.  We get better at hiding our feelings, but we are still closed and inflexible.  Sadley many people are unwilling to change or grow, they are unteachable.  A positive attitude looks for ways to change. It is open and flexible and willing to explore new ideas.  

Three parts make up attitudes.

1. Emotions: How an object, person, issue or event makes you feel.
2. Cognitive or thoughts: Your thoughts and beliefs about an object, person, issue or event.
3. Behaviors: How your thoughts and emotions influence your behavior.

What does the Bible say about attitude:

Philippians 2:14-15 ESV

Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world,

Philippians 4:8-9 ESV

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Colossians 3:23 ESV

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,

These are just a few of the many scriptures I could list, but I hope you can see that your attitude is vital to your ability to learn and develop resiliency.  The key to these verses is not something you muster up but a vibrant outlook on life that God gives you. This hopeful attitude determines whether you are teachable.  When we face the struggles that life presents you have to focus on what you can change.  You can only change yourself.  Many times pain looks for the cause in places we can not change.  

What is the Correct attitude?  

• Focus on the positive - redirect your mind and only allow positive words to come out.  
• Teachable - a heart that is willing to learn first before it wants its way.  
• Recognize that God is with you and He is always working
• Pause and focus on what God wants, not just what you want. Hint: start with love God and love your neighbor.  
• Trust that God will care for you and be your advocate.   
• You are not alone - You can have hope.  

Life will always include problems, stress and tragedies.  I know that my life has included many times when my negative attitude and lack of skills has caused me to become stuck.  When I was willing to be teachable and learn a new way energy came back.  The energy to hope and try.   Learn to walk with Christ and He will develop a resilient character in you.  

Do you have resiliency?  Can you bounce back and handle problems?  

Attitude Does Effect Health

Attitude affects everything.  A positive mental or optimistic attitude will lower the risk of heart disease by 77%.  Yeah right Mark that's not possible.  Here are two studies:

According to a study by the Mayo Clinic of over 1,100 people tracked for 30 years, optimists live longer than pessimists. And, in a separate study of 999 people, men and women ages 65 to 85, researchers in the Netherlands found that optimistic participants had lower rates of heart disease and were 77% less likely to die of cardiovascular diseases.